PEOPLE MAKE THE DIFFERENCE

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"The greatest genius will never be worth much if he pretends to draw exclusively from his own resources."- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The quickest way to change your life is to make friends with the people who aspire and embody the change you want in your life. People whose goals and values are aligned with your goals and values can make your journey easy and exciting.

Kind of people you choose to be associated with and be friends with is important because you can’t be a success if everyone around you is a failure; you can’t have a positive attitude if all your friends are full of negativity; you are not likely to become a police officer if you are hanging out with thieves; your chances of becoming a history professor are not going to be very high if everyone around you is into wrestling.

You are the writer and director of this movie called your life. You get to write the story and choose the actors. You have a choice to select people to play a part in this movie. Who makes an entrance at what scene and when they leave the scene; you get to choose all that. Nobody should be able to take that choice away from you. It’s your life. But this empowerment comes with a huge responsibility. Having a trusted group of advisors and friends around will always be helpful. They will keep you real.

People who develop great relationships and friendships always focus on what others need. They are always looking for opportunities to help others. They are connectors; they connect people to one another. They are experts in their fields, people come to them for advice and they always seem to have the right answers. They are also great listeners; they posses the ability to listen to others without being judgmental.

Tim Sanders - a well known leadership coach - in his wonderfully written book “Love Is the Killer App: How to Win Business and Influence Friends” states that it’s the personal relationships more than anything that determines success at work. Sanders recommends a combination of knowledge, network and compassion for connecting with people at an emotional level. He ends his book with a great thought: “long after you’re gone, people will forget what you said or what you did, but they’ll never forget how you made them feel.”

One of the best examples of the transformational powers of friendship is the story of Rumi and Shams Tabriz. Rumi was not really Rumi until he met Shams Tabriz. Shams Tabriz has been in search all his life for someone who could answer his questions not just by quoting books and scripture but from heart, from personal experience. He found his man in Rumi. Rumi also found out that Shams could teach him what no book could ever teach him. A chance encounter in a bazaar in Konya changed Rumi’s life forever. Shams’s friendship elevated Rumi from a scholar to a philosopher, by helping Rumi expand his understanding of love, humanity and oneness of God. Rumi’s best poetry, which continues to fascinate the people around the world to this date, came after Shams left, never to come back again.

“Why should I seek? I am the same as he.
His essence speaks through me.
I have been searching for myself”


Keep on the look for your Shams Tabriz; you might discover the Rumi inside you.


Here are some practical tips to make friends and network with the right people.


Greet people with openness, warmth and curiosity.
When you meet new people, be open, warm, and curious. Greet them with a smile on your face, shake their hands firmly and show genuine curiosity by asking questions and listening. Don’t try to impress them, just be open and willing to get impressed. What really matter here is how you make people feel about themselves, not how they feel about you. Before they open and listen to your story, they want to be heard and they want to make sure that you care about them. People like people who make them feel better and important.


Become a great listener.
Active and empathic listening is the most important tool to build connections with people. Key to listening is focusing on the other person, making a sincere effort to understand what other person have to say without worrying about what you have to say when other person stops talking. Don't give advice, don't pass a judgment, don't interrupt for corrections, and don’t readily dismiss other person view point. Just listen with a sincere desire to understand.
Let the person know that you understand what they are saying. Empathize with what they are feeling. Help them open up with encouraging words and gestures. But don’t start your own story. Make sure that they feel heard and understood before conversation turns to you.
Also, pay close attention to non-verbal communication. It’s said that 80 percent of the communications happens through non-verbal means. Pay attention to facial expression, posture, tone, and emotions will help you better understand the people.


Keep contacts alive.
Great friendships don’t just happen, they need to be nurtured and looked after. Stay in touch. Rapid growth in internet technologies such as email, instant messaging, social & professional networking websites, etc. in recent years has made it very convenient to stay in touch with people even when they are geographically dispersed through out the world.
Share that article you read this morning to your selected contacts on your contact list who could be interested in that subject. Invite your family and friends to see the pictures of your latest fishing trip on your online album. Make time on weekends to call people and see how they are doing. People trust people who they have known for sometime.


Let go of shyness.
There is no need to be timid and shy when it comes to going to a stranger, say hello and introducing yourself. Chances are that other person will be glad that you took the first step and relieved them of the pressure to do the same. Create opportunities to talk to the right people. Learn to introduce yourself and make small talk. So, next time you are at a party or a meeting, show some courage and introduce yourself to people who appear to be compatible with you, get curious and try to know more about them, exchange business cards, and don’t forget to follow up.


Be fun to be around.
You don’t have to be Jerry Seinfeld for people to like you, just loosen up a little, let go of that angry look on your face, smile and be curious. There is no need to take every thing too seriously. Meeting new people and making friends is fun activity. Keep it that way.


Make people feel good.
People like people who make them feel good, appreciated, and important. Never put people down. Don’t try to win every argument. Sometimes it’s better to be happy than to be right. You don’t always have to be the person with the best story to tell. Let other people shine. Allow them to be a hero even when you think that you have all the answers. Show some humility. It’s ok to say sorry even when you know for sure that you are right. People don’t always like smart people who make them feel worthless, they rather prefer average people who make them feel valuable. Praise people for whatever you find good about them. It could be a nice shirt they are wearing, their sense of humor or their point of view. Be genuine but always look for opportunities to praise what you see as praiseworthy.



Make yourself visible.
At parties and other social occasions don’t just sit in the corner focused on your food. Walk around and make yourself visible.


Reach out to people when they need help.
People remember those who helped them when they were down, weak, and vulnerable. Seek out and reach out to such people, they will remember your kindness and generosity long after you have forgotten it.