See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil

At the main entrance of an ancient shrine in Nikkō, Japan there are statues of the three wise monkeys named Mizaru, Kikazaru and Iwazaru. For centuries, they have been sending a special message to the world;

• Mizaru is covering his eyes with his hands indicating “see no evil”

• Kikazaru is covering his ears indicating “hear no evil”

• Iwazaru is covering his mouth indicating “speak no evil”

This centuries’ old pictorial maxim with its profound message of “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil” has helped countless people avoid the traps of evil.

So how is this ancient message relevant to us today? It is more relevant that ever before. Here are some examples;

• Media with its army of talk show hosts, experts and reporters who are hell bend on finding anything and everything that they perceive to be wrong and evil and constantly bombarding their viewers with it.

• Politicians and civic leaders whose sole focus is to point out the “evil” and holding the other party responsible for it.

• Managers and consultants who specialize in being “problem solvers” and “trouble shooters” can only see problems. Even when they can’t find a real problem, they create one, so they can solve it.

• Parents who only pay attention to their children when they are doing something wrong – they never “catch” their kids doing something right.

• People who will instantly notice “evil” in others but will never see, hear and talk about what is good.

• People wanting to “vent” about people in their lives they perceive as bad, not really realizing that their venting is only intensifying not only their own misery but also making other people miserable.

Life is like Google. If you search for “life sucks” on Google, you are going to find millions of matches and if you really start reading them you will have no trouble justifying why your life really sucks. But if you search for “life is great”, you are sure to fund countless matches and reasons for that too. Like Google, universe just returns to you what you are searching for - if you are searching for misery, gloom, and evil, you are certainly going to find plenty of it, but if your search is for joy, bliss and good, that’s exactly you, are likely to find.

You not only change yourself by looking at the world positively, you actually can change the world that you look at. As Dr Wayne Dyer – a leader in field of positive psychology – once said “When you change the way you look at things – the things you look at change!” Life is not what happens to us, life is how we respond to what happens to us. And your response determines the life that you create for yourself. Don’t limit yourself by old habitual ways of seeing, hearing and speaking evil. Learn to see, hear and speak “good” – the positive.

Describing the qualities of the righteous people, this is how Quran addresses this issue;

“… When the ignorant talk to them, they say, "Goodbye!"

Simply say “peace”, “goodbye” or “take care” and walk away, you don’t have to hear or react to every ignorant in the world out there. Don’t feel compelled to understand and “fix” every evil in the world. You will simply become one in the process. Focus on good and good is what will be returned to you.

In many modern management philosophies emphasis has been on “trouble shooting” or “problem solving”. Coupled with training on how to solve problems, consultants and managers see people, projects and organization as problems to be solved. There is no shortage of managers who take great pride in being “trouble shooters” or “problem solvers”. But there is a big problem with this approach. If you see your role as being a “trouble shooter” or “problem solver”, to you, everything is going to look like trouble or problem to be solved. As the maxim goes; if all you have hammer, everything looks like a nail. But there is hope. In the world of management consulting there is a new philosophy called “Appreciative Inquiry” or AI. AI puts a modern spin to the age old truth of “see no evil, hear no evil, and speak no evil” by focusing on (and appreciating) what works as opposed to what does not work. AI focuses on strengths, successes, and dreams, to bring positive change to human systems and organizations.

Breaking lifelong habits is not easy, but being mindful of what you see, hear and speak is certainly a first step towards it. I recently learned “rubber-band therapy” trick of mindfulness from a friend that you might useful. Find a nice sturdy rubber band – any color would do it but go for the red color if you could find one. Put it around your wrist. Anytime you find yourself hearing, seeing or speaking “evil”, pull the rubber band with the other hand then let it go…I know, I know it’s going to hurt. But trust me hurt caused by the rubber band is lot less than the hurt caused by you going down the path of “evil”. So go ahead, try this rubber-band therapy, this might be the help you need to break you age-old pattern of negative behavior.

Here is a very fascinating story that I came across recently:

"One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And, I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.' He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.”

If evil is what you see, hear and speak; evil is what you are likely to become, and if good is what you see, hear and speak, good is what you become…that’s just the way it works. So choose to see the good side of the world around you, walk away from people trying to dump their garbage on you and think before you speak…if you can’t speak with kindness and love, it’s probably better to stay quiet.

All this is very simple and easy. But for some, an easy message can’t be of any value. They are used to things so complicated that they need intermediaries just to understand them, forget about being able to practice them. Things are made complicated by those who want to control you by being interdediaries. Easy is right, and right is easy. if it’s not easy, it probably not right.

So if you want to live on the good side of life, stop seeing, hearing and speaking eveil. Life is good. Live it.

Success is the Best Revenge

The seeds of great success are often right in front of you, hidden in the ashes of adversity

~ Francis Ford Coppola

Epictetus (AD 55–AD 135) – a Roman stoic philosopher - once said, "Adversity introduces a person to himself." Epictetus believed that there are things that are beyond our control and then there are things that are in our control. To him, the primary responsibility of individuals is to manage their own actions through rigorous self discipline. Suffering, in his view comes from trying to control things that are beyond our control and not focusing on what is controllable.

How do you respond to adversity? By managing your actions through rigorous self discipline or by trying to control and constantly worrying about those things that are beyond your control? For most of us, it’s probably a combination of both. It’s because we are human. But the most effective response is to focus on yourself and focus on the things that you can control.

Napoleon Hill once said, "Every adversity carries with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit." This seed, however, need to be nurtured. It takes rigorous self discipline to convert the sadness and pain caused by the adversity into a fuel for positive change. If you want to get even with those who want to harm you, focus on yourself and be the best you can be. Success is the best revenge, if revenge is what you are looking for.

Adversity can give you purpose. Sorrow and pain caused by the adversity can give you a new sense of direction. Adversity can help you find real you. You can choose to use adversity to change your old mediocre ways of living and set yourself on a new path of abundance, success and power. Take a look at the example of Jewish people in recent decades. There are few parallels to the pain and sufferings of the Jewish people under Nazis’ during the World War II. They used that pain and suffering to fuel their commitment to their empowerment. Steven Peas, author of “The Golden Age of Jewish Achievement”, chronicles an amazing history of Jewish achievement and contribution to the civilization in modern times. Jews are only .00207 percent of the World's population, but look at their percentage in various high achiever groups;

• 23% of the total Noble laureates
• 38% of the leading philanthropists
• 24% of Fortune's 25 most powerful people in business
• 37% Academy Award winning directors
• 51% Pulitzer Prize for non fiction
• 20% NBA top 10 coaches of all time
• 21% of enrollment in ivy league schools
• And the list goes on…

Whether you agree with the political side of the things or not, there is no denying that this is a group of high achievers. They managed to find strength in their adversity.

Here is an interesting story for you;

“One day a farmer's donkey fell into a well. The farmer frantically thought what to do as the stricken animal cried out to be rescued. With no obvious solution, the farmer regretfully concluded that as the donkey was old, and as the well needed to be filled in anyway, he should give up the idea of rescuing the beast, and simply fill in the well. Hopefully the poor animal would not suffer too much, he tried to persuade himself.

The farmer asked his neighbors help, and before long they all began to shovel earth quickly into the well. When the donkey realized what was happening he wailed and struggled, but then, to everyone's relief, the noise stopped.

After a while the farmer looked down into the well and was astonished by what he saw. The donkey was still alive, and progressing towards the top of the well. The donkey had discovered that by shaking off the dirt instead of letting it cover him, he could keep stepping on top of the earth as the level rose. Soon the donkey was able to step up over the edge of the well, and he happily trotted off."

Life is going to throw dirt at you, don’t let it overwhelm you; learn to use it to your advantage. Bad things do happen to good people. So the real question you need to ask yourself is, “Now that it has happened to me, how can I use my sorrow and pain to my advantage and be the best and most successful person I can be?” Remember success is the best revenge!

Dhyan Kar

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Growing up in a small Punjabi town of Pakistan, “Dhyan Kar” or “Do Dhyan”was the advice I heard most from my elders and teachers. Anytime I would get distracted during my studies, eating my meal or doing any other work that required my undivided attention, someone was there to remind that I needed to do “Dhyan”.

Many years later, now that I have children of my own, I find myself giving them the same advice when they start playing with their pencils when they should really be finishing their homework, or when they insist on watching TV while they eat dinner. Although sometimes I end up using words like focus, concentrate, pay attention, in a hope to convey my message better. But what I really want to convey to them is “Dhyan Kar”.

What is it about “Dhyan” that get’s passed on from one generation to another? Is this just a common sense advice or is there something more to it? Dhyan is a common expression used with slight variations in my parts of the subcontinent. The origin of this word can be traced to the Sanskrit word “Dhyaan” or “Dhyana”.

The advice of Dhyan has been given by teachers, poets and philosophers throughout the centuries. Bulleh Shah, a sufi poet and philosopher from18th century Punjab, offers his advice of Dhyan this way;

Kar Kattan Wal Dhyan KuRe
Aj ghar wich nawin kapah kurre
Toon jhab jhab wilna dah kurre
Roon weel panjawan jah kurre
Mur kal na tera jaan kurre
Kar kattan wal dheaan kurre

(Do Dhyan to weaving, There is new cotton crop in the house, so get your weaving wheel ready, you should go get the cotton made out of the crop. Tomorrow you will be no more, so do Dhyan to weaving.)

Nanak Dev, commonly known as Baba Nanak or Guru Nanak Dev Ji, - a famous 16th century mystic from Punjab - has described three stages of knowledge;

• Suniai – Learning through listening. It is concerned with perceptual knowledge.
• Manne – Learning through refection. It is concerned with rational knowledge.
• Dhyan – Learning through contemplation or single-minded focus. Dhyan is the purest form of knowledge which results into a convergence of knower, known and the knowing. Dhyan, according to Baba Nanak is going beyond the habitual perception and is about being one with what is being perceived.

If we go further back in history, we find that Buddha taught the same concept to the people in Northern India 2500 years ago. It has been said the at one time a visitor asked Buddha what he and his followers do when they get together. Buddha looked at him with a gentle smile and said, "when we are together, we sit, we eat and we walk". The visitor was completely puzzled by Buddha’s answer. He did not expect such a simplistic sounding answer from a wise man like Buddha. He implored Buddha further and asked. How is that any special? Everyone does that? Sensing his puzzlement, Buddha explained, “When we sit, we know that we are sitting, when we eat we know we are easting and when we walk we know we are walking”. What a profound answer!

What was Buddha trying to teach that person? A simple lesson in Dhyan: it’s not what you do; it’s how you do it; what mindfulness you bring to what you do; what Dhyan you bring to what you do. Difference between extraordinary and ordinary is Dhyan, our mindfulness, our awareness. Ordinary becomes extraordinary if we bring the right awareness to it. And extraordinary becomes ordinary if we don’t do it with awareness and mindfulness.

Famous Urdu poet Faiz once said;
jis dhaj say gaya koi maqtal mein wo shan salamat rahti hai
ye jan to aani jani hai is jan ki koi baat nahein

(What is everlasting is the grace with which you walk towards your execution chamber
Life has to end anyway; it really is not that important)

Beauty of “Dhyan” did not stay confined to the Subcontinent. In a rather unique convergence of events, the message of Dhyan spread from India to China by an Indian named Bodhidharma who travelled to China in 5^th century. Bodhidharma stayed in storied Shaolin Temple for many years and taught his disciples how Dhyan could help them gain true wisdom through direct experience . In next few centuries, Dhyan, or as Chinese came to call it Ch’an, blended with the local traditions of Tao and spread throughout China. To this date, the wisdom of Ch’an continues to fascinate countless seekers.

From China, in 6th century, philosophy of Dhyan spread to Vietnam where it came to be known as Thien. Koreans called it Seon, when they learned of the idea from a Chinese philosopher named Mazu. During the 12th and 13th century, philosophy of Dhyan started reaching the island of Japan. Word Zen was the Japanese attempt the pronounce Ch’an. Very soon, every aspect of Japanese life was influenced by the Zen philosophy. In Japanese Zen, the distinction between sacred and mundane was eliminated. Japanese discovered that average could be changed into special when it’s performed with Zen. They discovered that even an ordinary act of drinking tea becomes extraordinary when it’s done with Zen or Dhyan. In Japan drinking tea is unlike anywhere else in the world; it’s an elaborate ceremony, called the Way of Tea, performed with great reverence and complete mindfulness. Preparation, presentation and drinking of tea are a performance. Rooms where tea is served are built and decorated a certain way and treated as temples. When people enter these rooms they must free their minds from all other thoughts, they are totally focused on the tea ceremony - the Way of Tea. Tea is not the goal, it’s the way. They become one with the ceremony. Ordinary becomes extraordinary!

Following Zen Haiku, which is about something ordinary but profoundly extraordinary at the same time, shows Zen’s influence on Japanese mind.

A single butterfly
Fluttering and drifting
In the wind

The philosophy of Zen was introduced to the United States in early 20th century by Japanese Zen master Soyen Shaku. It did not take long for Americans to fall in love with it too. These days the word of Zen is part of American vernacular and the philosophy of Zen is more relevant and meaningful to a society marred by countless sources of distraction and diversion. Today, Zen has become synonymous to peace, single-minded focus, now, serenity and mindfulness. The simplicity of the message continues to fascinate the legions of seekers around the world.

Unfortunately, there is no word in English language that could truly capture the essence of the philosophy of Dhyan or Zen. Words like focus, concentrate, meditate all come close but all of these words require an object to focus, concentrate or meditate on. Dhyan is more like just being there or just being. Dhyan also means being aware and mindful; it means cutting yourself off from past and future and being one with whatever it’s that you are doing.

How does Dhyan make a difference? Well, let’s talk about a simple activity of taking a walk in the park. Most people go to the park for a walk and only thing they get out of it is a little bit of physical activity. Their body is in the park but their mind is not there. They are still thinking about all sorts of stuff; unpaid bills, bad economy, law and order situation, terrorism, etc, etc. Their mind is either regretting the past or is fearful of the future, it’s not enjoying the beautiful present which is right in front of them. They hardly notice anything in the park; the flowers, the birds, the breeze, the sun set, everything goes unnoticed.

A walk with Dhyan or a Zen Walk is not like this; it is a mindful walk; it’s a walk that rejuvenates and refreshes. It connects you with the nature. When you walk with Dhyan, your mind is not wondering around. It’s right there with you in the park. When you walk with Dhyan you feel the breeze on your face; you let the whiff of the nature takes you over; you touch the trees and leaves and feel their freshness; you listen to the sounds of birds and insects; you savor the sights of the beautiful sunset. You use all your senses to be part of the present moment. Your Dhyan is in what you doing that very moment. You become one with the park. You become the park.

Same way, you can eat food the ordinary way, with a mind full of endless chatter and useless thoughts or you could eat it with full mindfulness and Dhyan. When you eat your food with Dhyan, you start off by being thankful for the food, you look into the eyes and connect with the people on the table, you touch the food to feel its texture; you smell its aroma, you relish its taste, you praise the cook for preparing the delicious food. A ordinary dinner eaten with Dhyan becomes a Zen dinner.

Here is how Hafiz, a famous Sufi poet, describes listening with Dhyan.

How do I listen to others?
As if everyone was my master
Speaking to me his cherished last words


An ordinary activity becomes extraordinary when it’s done with Dhyan. If you keep doing all your ordinary activities with Dhyan, all your activities become extraordinary activities. And if all your activities are extraordinary, your life becomes extraordinary. If you want to experience true Dhyan; stop judging and just be with the moment. Decluttere your mind from thoughts, all thoughts. Don't think about what it should be, just feel it the way it is. Notice everything about it, without judging. Stop swimming, start floating. There is a difference between the two. When you swim, water is your enemy; you have to resist it to avoid drowning. But when you float, water becomes your friend; you allow water to let you stay afloat. There is no struggle, no resistance, no judgment. You become one with water. You become water... that is ultimate Dhyan.

Live with Dhyan, every moment, every day, and you will discover excellence in everything that you do. Bring back Dhyan to your work, study, walk, prayer - to everything you do and start experiencing this miracle called life. Albert Einstein once said, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” Everything in life can be a miracle for you in you can choose to live it with Dhyan.

The long journey of “Dhyan” is not only fascinating; it’s also a testament to a simple but profound philosophy captured in a single word. Throughout the ages, many traditions, ceremonies and rituals have been added to this philosophy; some of these additions have enriched Dhyan, others have just complicated a simple message. But the philosophy of Dhyan has never lost its soul. At its core, it remains a simple, common-sense advice that I first heard from grandma;

Dhyan kar puttar!

(Do Dhyan, son)

Do you find it funny?

Mullah Nasrudin went to see his doctor about his leg which has been hurting for a few days;
"That pain in your leg is caused by old age," the doctor told Mullah Nasrudin.
"That can't be," replied the Mullah. "The other leg is the same age and doesn't hurt a bit."

Do you find it funny?
May be?
What about this one?

Mullah Nasrudin's donkey got lost. After much looking around someone told him that he saw Mullah’s donkey enter the village Mosque. Mullah rushed to the Mosque to get his donkey back. He was shocked to see Molvi - the long bearded Mosque warden – madly kicking and punching Mullah’s beloved donkey for entering his Mosque.

“You are beating him just for entering your Mosque,” asked Mullah in an angry tone, “he is only a donkey, let him go, have I ever made such a mistake?”

I got another one for you.

Mullah used to cross the border between Pakistan and Iran with his donkey carrying a sack of hay. Guard at the border check post always suspected that something fishy was going on and Mullah was smuggling something. Every time Mullah crossed the border with his donkey carrying a sack of hay, the guard will stop him and thoroughly him. To his dismay, the guard never found anything in the sack. It was always filled with hey…just hay and nothing else. Many years passed and once guard saw Mullah sitting in his favorite café enjoying his favorite green chai. Guard walked up to Mullah and told that now he had retired from his security job and was living a private life. But his biggest regret was not being able to figure out what Mullah was smuggling.
"Now that I can’t do anything against you," he begged Mullah in a meek tone, "I’ll be indebted to you if you could tell what were you smuggling?"
Sipping on his green chai, in a relaxed tone, Mullah replied;
“Donkeys”.

If there is a smile on your face now, read on.

Humor is the ability to appreciate and express what makes people laugh. Only very smart people are capable of finding humor in what they do and what happens in the world around them. Laughter is a step toward enlightenment. People that are full of themselves, the ones with big ego, and the self-righteousness types always lack sense of humor. I’m sure you have seen them around. There certainly is no shortage of them. These types are too busy worshiping themselves and finding faults with others that there is no way they can ever make fun of themselves and appreciate the humor happening around all the time.

People who breeze through life with peace, confidence and amusement are the people who are able to see blue sky behind every cloud. They know there is a light at the end of every tunnel and there is a day after every night. It’s their focus on the positive that makes them enjoy life even during seemingly not so sunny times. These people don’t need to watch a sitcom to laugh; they can find amusement in themselves and in situations and people around them everyday. They don’t need to get into lighter mood; their default mood is the lighter one. There could be situations that could drag them out of their default mood momentarily, but they always go back to their default mood. There is a sort of gravitational pull that does not let me stray too far from their default mood for too long.

Funny or amusing is not a particular event around you. It is how you look at what happens around you. It is how you see yourself and the people around you. Just imagine how beautiful life could be if you were able to relate to people around you in an amused state; if your default mood is a lighter and amused one; if you are able to find amusement in your daily activities.

The opposite side of being funny and amusing is being irritated and frustrated. In life, things happen. Now it’s your choice to get irritated, frustrated and angry and ruin your day over something innocuous, or you could make fun of it and laugh it off and thank God for the opportunity to learn from it and practice your funny side. Instead of being annoyed by the weird and absurd characters around you, learn to enjoy them. In the sitcom Seinfeld, when George and Kramer are at their weirdest, Seinfeld would always have a smile on his face. He enjoyed it. Learn to enjoy the Georges and Kramers in your life.

Look at babies if you really want to understand what being amused really look like. Babies don’t need something “funny” to happen to be amused. They are amused by default. Amusement is their default state. As we grow older, something happens along the way and we get conditioned by the society that forces us to start seeing the world through totally different lenses. This new world, as it seems through these new lenses, is marked by misery, scarcity, greed and mean people. To be funny and amusing, you don’t really need to learn anything new; you just need to unlearn few things. You need to deprogram yourself and get rid of al the viruses that have infected your brain’s computer. Humor is the best anti-virus program that nature has created.

Once you arrive at your default mood, you will discover a world filled with all sorts of amusing and funny people and things. You will see positive changes as a ripple effect of this approach in all your relationships, family and work. The positive energy this new approach creates will make your life a lot more fun!

TIME IS A RESOURCE

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If you want to make rapid changes in your life, you must arrange and design your life so that your GOALS and DREAMS are at the FOREFRONT of your days, instead of them being an afterthought. - Jill Koenig



Time is a resource, a tool you can use to achieve your goals. Time is more valuable than money, gold, real estate or any other resource. It’s more important because with time you can create money (and other resources) but you can’t create time with money. Time is not only a very valuable resource; it’s perishable too. Lost time can never be found. It’s a use-it-or-lose-it deal. The way we choose to spend our today determines our tomorrow.


Today we are busier than ever. All that modern technology which was meant to save us time and make our lives easy has not always lived up to its promises. Most of us are so busy handling whatever life throws at us that we don’t have time to notice and appreciate the thousands of miracles unfolding all around us everyday. It is only through proper time management that we can find time to appreciate the amazing mystery this life really is.


Most of us have taken on too much and are trying to do too many things. Such symptoms are all around us; people talk too fast, walk too fast, try to multitask, and move from one thing to another without finishing the first one. All this is taking a toll on people’s physical, mental and spiritual health. Time management is not about trying to squeeze in more things into already crazy schedules; it is about reevaluating your priorities in life and getting rid off all the unnecessary things, things that you do not really align with your purpose, you calling, but you still do them because you trying to fit-in, tying to be part of the crowd. Freedom to choose is the ultimate freedom. You can choose to do what you want to do, what really matters to YOU, what aligns more closely with YOUR purpose in life.


Time management is not just creating a To-Do list either for everything that needs to be done on a given day; it is knowing and focusing on what really matters. It is also being thankful for your ‘Done List’ – a list that documents all that you have achieved so far. It is the gratitude we feel for our accomplishments, for our blessings that helps us figure out how we want to spend our time in future.


A lot has been written on the topic of time management. There are countless books, seminars, audios, videos, websites which can help you understand the concept, provide tips and motivate you to take action, but in reality, nobody has ever managed to get more than 24 hours out of a day. So, 24 hours is all that all of us have to work with. The real question then is not if we have enough time in a day or not; it is what we choose to do with the time we have. We can choose to watch a useless program on television or we can choose to read an inspiring biography of someone we consider our role model. It’s always about the choices we make.


At a higher level, there are two major pieces to the time management puzzle;

1. Choosing the right things to do
2. Doing the things right

How do you choose the right things? The answer to this question has to do with your true calling in life, your personal mission, your raison d’etre. You are here in this world for a reason. Nothing in this world happens by chance. Everything and everyone has a reason. God does not create a soul without a purpose. Look deep into your heart, pray, meditate, talk to people you trust, read about people who have found their true mission in life. Do whatever works for you but get a clear picture of what your personal mission in life is. And don’t be limited by your past. Focus on what is possible in future. Dare to dream big.

There is no point in climbing the ladder only to find out that ladder is standing against the wrong wall. Make sure ladder is leaned against the right wall before you start your climb. Staying busy, doing lot of things that do not contribute to your personal mission is counter-productive. So, before you learn how to do the things right, you need to find out what are the right things you need to be occupied with.


Here are few practical strategies to get most out of your day and your life.

Know what you want from your day and your life.
If you don’t know where you are going, does it really matter how fast or slow you go? Or which way you go? Learning how to manage time is easy but knowing why you want to manage your time better is what the real challenge is. Answer to this ‘why’ is not possible unless you start thinking about you calling, the true purpose of your life. Once you have some idea about where you want to go in life, only then you will begin to figure out how to get there.

You must visualize and plan your day.
If you want to be in the driver’s seat of your day and not the passenger seat, you must visualize and plan your day, every day. Before you start your day every morning, you need to have clear intention about the kind of day you want to have. And if you are clear and sincerer about it, the day, exactly the way you intended it, will start to manifest itself. So, if having a day full of peace and purpose is your intention, that’s how the universe is going to unfold that day for you.

Eliminate the Junk Activities.
Be very cognizant of your daily activities and ensure that there is no junk there. Don’t do anything just because you have been doing it forever. Just as you have to periodically check your purse and car to clean them up of unwanted and junk stuff, you need to take an inventory of your activities and make sure there is no junk there.

Create a Support Network.
Make friends with people who share your goals and values. These people can help you get more out of your day.

Learn to Say No.
Realize that there are people out there whose only purpose in life to waste their time and waste your time. So you better learn to say no to them. Your are a finite being with finite time and if a cousin asks you for a ride to a theater on an evening that was meant to be spent studying for an exam you better learn to say no.

Focus on Big Rocks.
Every morning create a list of the main tasks or the big rocks, prioritize them and start working on them before the filler tasks such as cleaning up the desk or organizing files start popping up. Keeping busy does not equate to accomplishing things. Filler tasks find their place; try to move the big rocks first. Things that matter most in your life should never be at the mercy of the things that matter least. Think of your day as a bucket and your daily activities as big rocks, small stones, sand and water. Put the big rocks first, then stones, then sand followed by water and you have a much better chance at fitting it all in. Try to do most important things first.

Let go of the past.
Don't live out of your past. Live for the future vision you have in your heart. You are not what you have achieved or have become in your life so far; you are what you are capable of becoming in the future. You are not your past; you are your potential for the future. Unless you let go of your past, you will never be fully able to live in your present. And present is where you want to be if you want to build the foundation for a peaceful and prosperous future. Spend your today the most productive and purposeful way possible, the future you dream of will start to manifest itself.

HAPPINESS IS YOU

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“You wander from room to room, hunting for the diamond necklace that is already around your neck” – Rumi

Contrary to the popular belief, which is also enshrined into the US constitution, happiness is not something that you pursue; it is not a destination you aspire to reach some day. Happiness is not in the things you pursue; it’s in you. Rumi once said, “You wander from room to room, hunting for the diamond necklace that is already around your neck”. Stop pursuing happiness, learn to discover it.

Most of us keep postponing happiness to some big event in the future. You will hear such expressions like; I’ll be happy when I make lots of money; I’ll be happy when I find my dream relationship; I’ll be happy when I buy that big house; I’ll be happy when I achieve this or acquire that. So we keep waiting, keep postponing our happiness. And when we finally get what we want, our joy is only short-lived. Our enthusiasm wears down fast and we start pursuing the next thing that we believe would really make us happy. And if we get that, we start chasing the next illusion in line. Fact of the matter is you don’t need to have ‘things’ to feel happy. Feel happy and all the things you need will manifest themselves.

So many people spend their lives in a relentless pursuit of material objects which they believe will bring them ‘happiness’, but to their dismay, the pleasure of acquiring something new is soon replaced by a state of despondency and they start looking for next ‘thing’ that would bring them happiness. Just like a little kid who loses interest in the new hot toy once he has played with it. In reality, happiness is not out there; it’s in here. Happiness is inside us, all we have to do is to get rid of what makes us unhappy. Just like a great sculptor who could find beautiful form, a lovely shape in any rock by removing the unnecessary stone, once you chisel away regret and fear, what you are left with inside is pure and simple happiness - a state of real joy, wonder and bliss.

Regret and fear, two powerful emotions, are the two enemies of peace and happiness. Regret is a feeling of shame, loss, anxiety, frustration that comes from something we did or something that was done to us in the past. Fear is about future, something that we feel might go wrong in the future. Real wisdom is to learn from the past, not regret it, and be prepared for the future, not be fearful about it, and always live in today, because today is what is real.

Happiness is not an objective which you would achieve someday, happiness is in your prayer in the morning, it’s in the aroma of your morning coffee, it’s in your phone conversation with a friend you have not spoken with in a long time, it’s in completing that assignment you have been working on for many days, it’s in the evening meal with your family, it’s in reading the book in your bed before going to sleep. It’s in all those ‘little’ things that we all do without always appreciating them. Happiness is not out there; it’s in here. You are the happiness you want. You are the destination you’ve been trying to reach.

Here are few suggestions to discover the happiness that lies beneath the eccentricities of everyday life.

Take responsibility for your happiness.
You and only you are responsible for making yourself happy. Nobody or ‘no thing’ is just going to show up to make you happy. Make a decision to be happy and happiness will manifest itself in your life.

Learn to Forgive.
You can never be happy unless you learn to first forgive yourself and then forgive others for whatever has happened in the past. By forgiving, you not only change past, you also start laying the foundation for a better and happier future. Quran says “He who forgives, and is reconciled unto his enemy, shall receive his reward from God.”
Successful people don't have time for hatred or revenge. They know that they can’t go back in time and change things. From their past, they want the wisdom of experience, and the memories that empower them; not the limiting behaviors such as hatred and revenge. Follow the lead of successful people. Forgive and move on.


Smile.
Happy people smile a lot. Put on a smiley face even when you feel that your day is not going that great. Actions have power to change our feelings and emotions.

Set yourself measurable goals.
Forget the lofty New Year resolutions; set yourself achievable goals and mini-goals. It sounds good to list ‘lose weight’ as your New Year resolution, but if you don’t break it down to weekly mini-goals you will not be able to measure your progress. If your goal is to loose 20 pounds in four months, set yourself mini-goal of losing one pound every week. This will make you happy every week and help you stay on track. If you can’t save 100 dollars a month, it is quite unlikely that you will be able to save 1200 dollars in a year.

Live within your means.
One of the major sources of stress in the modern world is that people take on too many financial obligations in order to acquire things that they believe would bring them happiness. Happiness these things bring is usually short lived, but resulting debt takes a long time to be paid back. Stay out of debt. Always spend less than what you make and never spend what you don’t have.

Make others happy.
Best way to attract happiness in your life is to help make other people happy. Seek opportunities to be kind to the people, even if it’s the little things like holding door or saying ‘good morning’ to a stranger.

Have faith.
God did not send you to this world to live an unhappy and miserable life. God wants you to live a happy and prosperous life. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

Be grateful and count your blessings.
Before you go to bed every night, count five good things that you are grateful for. There is no point in reliving the pain of what did not go well for you today, so just count your blessings, you will attract more of them.

Turn off that news channel.
If something bad is happening somewhere in the world, news reporters are going to cover it. And if you are used to seeing the world through the eyes of the news caster, you are not going to have a worldview that is conducive to a happy life.

Learn to live in the moment.
Whatever it is that you are doing, do it with complete awareness and present mindedness. If you are having dinner, focus on your food and stop thinking about that overdue assignment. Touch your food, smell the aroma, taste the flavor, talk about how it looks – just immerse yourself for few minutes in the experience of having dinner. And if you enjoy the food in that manner, just remember to praise the cook too, particularly if she happens to be your wife.
In a similar manner, if you are out in the park for a walk, just enjoy that moment. Touch the trees, feel the breeze, smell the whiff, listen to the sounds, be in a state of total awareness to your surroundings. Forget the world and all its worries for few minutes. Live in the present moment, that’s where happiness lives.

PEOPLE MAKE THE DIFFERENCE

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"The greatest genius will never be worth much if he pretends to draw exclusively from his own resources."- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The quickest way to change your life is to make friends with the people who aspire and embody the change you want in your life. People whose goals and values are aligned with your goals and values can make your journey easy and exciting.

Kind of people you choose to be associated with and be friends with is important because you can’t be a success if everyone around you is a failure; you can’t have a positive attitude if all your friends are full of negativity; you are not likely to become a police officer if you are hanging out with thieves; your chances of becoming a history professor are not going to be very high if everyone around you is into wrestling.

You are the writer and director of this movie called your life. You get to write the story and choose the actors. You have a choice to select people to play a part in this movie. Who makes an entrance at what scene and when they leave the scene; you get to choose all that. Nobody should be able to take that choice away from you. It’s your life. But this empowerment comes with a huge responsibility. Having a trusted group of advisors and friends around will always be helpful. They will keep you real.

People who develop great relationships and friendships always focus on what others need. They are always looking for opportunities to help others. They are connectors; they connect people to one another. They are experts in their fields, people come to them for advice and they always seem to have the right answers. They are also great listeners; they posses the ability to listen to others without being judgmental.

Tim Sanders - a well known leadership coach - in his wonderfully written book “Love Is the Killer App: How to Win Business and Influence Friends” states that it’s the personal relationships more than anything that determines success at work. Sanders recommends a combination of knowledge, network and compassion for connecting with people at an emotional level. He ends his book with a great thought: “long after you’re gone, people will forget what you said or what you did, but they’ll never forget how you made them feel.”

One of the best examples of the transformational powers of friendship is the story of Rumi and Shams Tabriz. Rumi was not really Rumi until he met Shams Tabriz. Shams Tabriz has been in search all his life for someone who could answer his questions not just by quoting books and scripture but from heart, from personal experience. He found his man in Rumi. Rumi also found out that Shams could teach him what no book could ever teach him. A chance encounter in a bazaar in Konya changed Rumi’s life forever. Shams’s friendship elevated Rumi from a scholar to a philosopher, by helping Rumi expand his understanding of love, humanity and oneness of God. Rumi’s best poetry, which continues to fascinate the people around the world to this date, came after Shams left, never to come back again.

“Why should I seek? I am the same as he.
His essence speaks through me.
I have been searching for myself”


Keep on the look for your Shams Tabriz; you might discover the Rumi inside you.


Here are some practical tips to make friends and network with the right people.


Greet people with openness, warmth and curiosity.
When you meet new people, be open, warm, and curious. Greet them with a smile on your face, shake their hands firmly and show genuine curiosity by asking questions and listening. Don’t try to impress them, just be open and willing to get impressed. What really matter here is how you make people feel about themselves, not how they feel about you. Before they open and listen to your story, they want to be heard and they want to make sure that you care about them. People like people who make them feel better and important.


Become a great listener.
Active and empathic listening is the most important tool to build connections with people. Key to listening is focusing on the other person, making a sincere effort to understand what other person have to say without worrying about what you have to say when other person stops talking. Don't give advice, don't pass a judgment, don't interrupt for corrections, and don’t readily dismiss other person view point. Just listen with a sincere desire to understand.
Let the person know that you understand what they are saying. Empathize with what they are feeling. Help them open up with encouraging words and gestures. But don’t start your own story. Make sure that they feel heard and understood before conversation turns to you.
Also, pay close attention to non-verbal communication. It’s said that 80 percent of the communications happens through non-verbal means. Pay attention to facial expression, posture, tone, and emotions will help you better understand the people.


Keep contacts alive.
Great friendships don’t just happen, they need to be nurtured and looked after. Stay in touch. Rapid growth in internet technologies such as email, instant messaging, social & professional networking websites, etc. in recent years has made it very convenient to stay in touch with people even when they are geographically dispersed through out the world.
Share that article you read this morning to your selected contacts on your contact list who could be interested in that subject. Invite your family and friends to see the pictures of your latest fishing trip on your online album. Make time on weekends to call people and see how they are doing. People trust people who they have known for sometime.


Let go of shyness.
There is no need to be timid and shy when it comes to going to a stranger, say hello and introducing yourself. Chances are that other person will be glad that you took the first step and relieved them of the pressure to do the same. Create opportunities to talk to the right people. Learn to introduce yourself and make small talk. So, next time you are at a party or a meeting, show some courage and introduce yourself to people who appear to be compatible with you, get curious and try to know more about them, exchange business cards, and don’t forget to follow up.


Be fun to be around.
You don’t have to be Jerry Seinfeld for people to like you, just loosen up a little, let go of that angry look on your face, smile and be curious. There is no need to take every thing too seriously. Meeting new people and making friends is fun activity. Keep it that way.


Make people feel good.
People like people who make them feel good, appreciated, and important. Never put people down. Don’t try to win every argument. Sometimes it’s better to be happy than to be right. You don’t always have to be the person with the best story to tell. Let other people shine. Allow them to be a hero even when you think that you have all the answers. Show some humility. It’s ok to say sorry even when you know for sure that you are right. People don’t always like smart people who make them feel worthless, they rather prefer average people who make them feel valuable. Praise people for whatever you find good about them. It could be a nice shirt they are wearing, their sense of humor or their point of view. Be genuine but always look for opportunities to praise what you see as praiseworthy.



Make yourself visible.
At parties and other social occasions don’t just sit in the corner focused on your food. Walk around and make yourself visible.


Reach out to people when they need help.
People remember those who helped them when they were down, weak, and vulnerable. Seek out and reach out to such people, they will remember your kindness and generosity long after you have forgotten it.